Diary of an Orphan
by scr1be
Summary: Icera Jade Hunter is an orphan and a...witch? Always alone, with a grudge against men, what will happen when she falls on the radar of four very mischievous boys with a plan? DISCLAIMER: I own nothing you recognize it all belongs to JKRowling.
1. Chapter 1

**This story is going to be in a little different format and I apologize if it is hard to follow. Just let me know how I can fix it and I'll work on it.**

* * *

**August 31, 1971**

Tomorrow is my first day at my new school. That's why I'm starting this journal today. I've had it for a while but just couldn't find anything to write about. Now, I have plenty.

But I guess I should write about myself before I get into school.

Though, if I think about it too long I won't. Let's face it, no one is ever going to be interested in this book I keep hidden underneath my pillow when I'm not writing in it. But, just in case some really bored person comes along and finds it some day, I want them to know who they're reading about. I'm not really sure why, but I think I want it to be important that they know this is my life and my story.

So here goes:

My name is Icera Jade Hunter and I am eleven years old. I am an orphan and an only child. I have long blonde hair and light grey eyes. I'm not very tall but I haven't stopped growing. I grew about an inch over the summer. I don't smile very much, but I haven't had a whole lot of reason since my parents were killed.

I like school. Well, not school, but I love learning new things. I spend hours and hours at the library. It's the only place that the orphanage doesn't mind us hanging out at. I go there every day. Well, I did before I came to this new school.

I'm procrastinating telling you about my new school. I know it shouldn't matter, because I'm probably the only person who will ever read this. But, it's weird. I don't know if I believe it yet myself.

I'll have to back up to really explain it.

* * *

About two weeks ago the orphanage had a very strange visitor. I was in the playroom with the other kids, reading a book I had read about a hundred times already. The knock on the door had every child rushing to the door to peek down the hall. They hadn't been here as long as I had. Visitors came early in the day, not this close to supper time.

I stayed where I was, thinking it had to be business of some sort. Worse, it might be a new arrival. I hate new arrivals. They were always so desperately sad. They hadn't gotten to the point where they could hide it yet. I know it's not nice of me and probably makes me a very bad person, but I can't stand the way they cry at night.

* * *

After a few minutes one of the girls who had attached herself to me came over to tell me what all the fuss was about.

"Hunter, have you ever seen him before?" "Seen who, Anna?" "It's a funny looking man with a long silver beard that goes all the way to the floor!" "No, I don't know anyone like that. Did he bring someone with him?" "No. He just went into the office with Sister Abigail. What do you think they're talking about?" "I don't know Anna." "Do you think he wants to adopt one of us?" "If he has a long silver beard I bet he's too old to be adopting kids. More likely he works for the government and wants to cut our funding." "Why would you say that? That's awful!" "Awful things happen all the time. Eventually you learn to expect them." "Don't be mean, Hunter." "I'm sorry."

I really was sorry. I'm the oldest kid at the orphanage. I've been in one since I was two. I've seen all the hope when someone comes to look at you and all the disappointment when they choose someone else. And I've never really wanted to be adopted. I miss my parents but I can barely remember them. But I don't want some other family either. What if I forget my parents completely? I don't want that to happen.

Anna doesn't understand how bad it can get yet. She hasn't been here a year yet. She's young, only seven. Her parents died in a car crash. She's sad, but she misses having a family more than she misses her own. She has been loved and petted because of how pretty she is with her curly blond hair and blue eyes and bright smile. They don't expect her to stay here very long.

* * *

She can't keep a frown on her face though. In no time she's bouncing around the room asking everyone if they've ever seen a man with such a long beard. Someone else mentions how expensive his suit looks. And then everyone is silent.

At the door stands the man with the long silver beard. Sister Abigail is standing next to him, searching the room until her eyes land on my corner of shadow.

"Icera," she's the only one who ever calls me that anymore. Everyone else calls me Hunter. "Icera, come here please. This man would like to talk to you for a moment. You may go to your room and speak."

That was weird. The Sisters don't let us go to our rooms during the day. We wake up promptly, make our beds, change our clothes and stay outside for the rest of the day. Even the prospective parents don't see our rooms. But she let me pass her on my way out of the playroom and watched as I led the man to the dormitories. He didn't say a word.

* * *

When we got to the dormitories I went straight to my bed and sat down, offering him the chair beside the window. He sat down and stared at me for a long while.

I couldn't stand the silence.

"I guess you know my name is Icera Hunter. Can I ask what this is about? I haven't done anything wrong, have I?" He grinned, a little twinkle in his eye, "No, you haven't done anything wrong. But have you done anything strange?" "What?" "Strange. Have you done anything out of the ordinary?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "Do strange things happen around you? Bullies getting hurt or things you want finding their way into your hands? Anything at all?"

I was really confused. Who was this man? Then I started getting angry. Who did he think he was to ask if I was weird? What kind of person just goes around asking orphans if they're weird?

"I guess you could count my parents' death as weird. That was pretty out of the ordinary. I hear most kids don't have to suffer that."

My temper rarely came out but when it did, people got out of my way. This man just grinned down at me.

"Who do you think you are, coming in here and asking if I'm an oddball. News flash, you're in a home for oddballs."

"Forgive me, my dear. I let my curiosity get the best of my manners. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am the Headmaster of a school. I'm here to see if you belong at my school." "I already have a school. I don't need to go to a special school for weirdos." "It is not a school for 'weirdos' as you put it. It is a school for very specially gifted young people. I think you are gifted and you might fit in at my school. But you'll have to prove it to me."

I gaped. Open mouthed. I looked like a fish out of water.

First this random guy I've never met comes in to _my_ orphanage and acts like he owns the place. Then he calls me weird. Now he wants me to _prove_ how weird I am? Are you kidding me?

"I'm not weirder than any other person! I'm a completely average eleven-year-old girl! I don't care what kind of school you run, I wouldn't go if you tied me up and carried me there on a broomstick!"

He smiled full out.

"Do you often imagine flying on broomsticks?" "No." I did. All the time. Every night when I went to sleep I flew through the air on a broomstick.

"And do you often get bad weather when you're upset?" "What?"

It had been a perfect evening with the sun lighting up the sky as it made its slow descent for the night. The air was warm and the crickets had started to chirp. Now, lightning flashed and the wind beat the leaves off the trees. The orphanage felt like it was swaying.

It had happened before, everything would be bright and sunny and then something would happen and everything would go gray. The first time I got rejected by someone looking to adopt we had a hail storm that lasted a week. But that wasn't my fault. It couldn't be.

* * *

"What else can you do, Icera?" "I don't know what you're talking about." "Yes you do." I did.

I had lived with a foster family for a while when I was six. The orphanage I had lived in until then had been shut down and they couldn't fit me in anywhere else. Not for very long. Just long enough for something bad to happen.

A week with them was a week in hell at Satan's right hand.

I'd been beaten and late at night Mr. Cooper had come into my room. He told me to be quiet or he'd tell his wife I was a very bad girl. She was the one who hit me so I stayed quiet. He touched me. I told him to stop and he wouldn't listen. He put a pillow over my face.

The next morning I refused to get out of bed. Mrs. Cooper hit me until I cried at the unfairness of it all. Mr. Cooper didn't like me as well all black and blue but he liked me well enough. The agency came to check up on me at the end of the week. The bruises still hadn't faded completely and he didn't buy the story of me falling down the stairs.

The night I was taken away from them a twister hit their home and destroyed it. Destroyed them. The authorities never found all of their bodies.

* * *

I didn't want to talk about that with anyone, never mind a very rude stranger. So I folded my arms across my chest and glared at him. Usually, my glare is so intimidating that whoever it's aimed at quickly leaves the room. A good defense mechanism I had acquired early in my years at the orphanage.

This, Albus Dumbledore, didn't even flinch.

"You lived with a couple for a very short time before you came to this orphanage, didn't you? It's in your records." I didn't say anything. "Did you know they died the day after you were removed from their care? A twister tore apart their home. It's funny though, twisters usually take out more than just one house."

He looked at me like he knew that's what I'd wished on them. I had just read The Wizard of Oz when I got placed with them. The worst thing I could think of was for a twister to come and carry them away. That's the only thing I wanted. I wanted them to be gone.

"I didn't want to kill them. I just wanted them gone."

I bit my lip. I cannot believe I just said that. What happened to being silent?

"Is there any particular reason for that?" "Mr. Cooper," I couldn't tell this stranger what had happened to me. I had never told anyone what had happened. I was never going to.

"Mr. Cooper was not a good man, was he?" "No."

I fought the tears back down and threatened them with burning pokers if they dared show their drippy little faces again.

Dumbledore looked at me with complete understanding and I blanched. How could he know when I had never told anyone? But he did.

"I am very sorry that happened to you. I would like to teach you to protect yourself. That is something you can learn at my school." "I thought you said I had to prove I belonged there?" "You already have. You can control the weather." "I can what?"

Was this man crazy or what?

"My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You are a witch. A very powerful one, I imagine. You need to be trained of course."

* * *

That was a couple weeks ago. I didn't know what to do. I mean, yeah okay, weird things happen around me. So what? That doesn't mean witches are real or that I am one.

I mean, how can I have power and have _that_ still happen to me? Why couldn't I protect myself if I have all this magical power?

But the longer I thought about it, the more I wanted it all to be true.

It's time for bed now. I'll try and write more tomorrow but it promises to be a very full day. I hate to admit it, but I'm excited to see what happens.


	2. Chapter 2

**Now you know a little bit about Icera Hunter. Don't make the mistake of thinking you _know_ her.**

* * *

**September 1, 1971  
**

I was right. Today has been full of interesting things to write about. I've stolen a moment on the train to write this.

Sister Abigail took me to the station where I was met by a very formidable looking man in a long moleskin coat. He was ginormous. Seriously. His hands were as big as trash can lids and he stood at least seven feet tall.

"You must be Icera. I'm Rubeus Hagrid, keeper of keys and groun's at Hogwarts. Come along then. I can take her from here Missus." "Very well. Icera, study hard. Don't throw this opportunity away." "Yes Sister Abigail."

The Headmaster told Sister Abigail that I had been awarded a scholarship that would pay for all of my school supplies. Three days later it had been shipped to the orphanage. A large trunk was full of black robes in my size, a pointed hat, a caldron - yes, a caldron - and heaps and heaps of books.

* * *

Hagrid led me away from Sister Abigail with my trunk in tow and he smiled the biggest smile I've ever seen.

"Now, I know Professor Dumbledore had all yer supplies sent to ye after his visit, but there's still one thing we need to pick up. That's why I wanted you to meet me so early. So you just come with me and we'll get it taken care of."

He led us out of the train station and across to a very dark alley. I was instantly wary.

"Where are we going?" "Just some place out of the way to conduct ourselves. Tha's the number one rule of bein' a witch or wizard: we do everything in secret. Don't want the muggles to find out we're still around, do we?" "Muggles?" "Non-magic folk. Here we go, this should do. Grab on."

He held out a very moldy looking book. He wanted me to touch _that_?

"Um, no thanks." "Grab hold real quick like." He grabbed my hand and touched a finger to the book. Before I knew what was happening we were sucked through the air. I couldn't get my breath back and then we were slammed to the ground. I only kept my feet because Hagrid still had ahold of my arm.

* * *

"What was that?" "A portkey. Handy things for those of us who need to travel without using any magic of our own, like underage kiddos like you." "You're not underage though, are you?" "No but I have strict instructions."

He turned a pale shade of pink as he spoke and I looked away politely until he'd regained his composure.

We stood on a street like any other London street, in front of a pub that seemed like any other you might pass. But no one was going in. They didn't even seem to notice it was there. The sign read "The Leaky Caldron" and that's where Hagrid went.

We passed through the door into a bar and a balding man behind the counter looked up and greeted us, "Hagrid, in for a pint?" "I'm on Hogwarts business today Tom." "See you hurry or you'll miss the train." "Right-o"

Hagrid led us through the pub and out a backdoor into an alley closed off on three sides.

* * *

He smiled down at me, "Watch this" and pulled out a giant pink umbrella and tapped three bricks in the wall.

The wall started folding in on itself until it formed an archway into a street packed with people all wearing gloriously colored robes. The shops were just as interesting as the people. There was a Magical Menagerie with owls and rats and chimeras displayed in the window and an apothecary boasting powdered unicorn horn and dragon heartstring.

Hagrid led me through the crowd which parted easily at his bulk. He stopped at a shop called _Olivanders_.

"What are we doing here?" "Ye still have to get yer wand. Olivanders is the best wand maker, in this part of the world at any rate. Go on in."

I hesitated another second before he pushed open the door and I ducked inside.

* * *

The shop was dark and there wasn't much room between the door and the counter because behind the counter were ceiling-high mountains of slim little boxes.

The bell tinkled at our entrance and a wizened old man appeared between two of the shelves. He narrowed his eyes on me and came back with a firm smile.

"I thought I'd had the last of my Hogwarts sales for the year. Hagrid, what took you so long with this one?" "Scheduling conflicts. We need to get her settled before the train departs." "Of course, of course. Tell me a little about yourself young lady."

I choked back the discomfort and opened my mouth to speak. Nothing came out. The sunny day behind me turned dark and stormy as I was put on the spot.

Mr. Olivander looked over my shoulder and out the window. His mouth turned down just slightly at the corners.

"I think I have just the thing."

* * *

He disappeared among the stacks of merchandise and reappeared several long minutes later with a very little box in his hands. He set it on the counter in front of me and opened it. He offered me a slim stick of wood with a beautifully carved handle. It was made to look like storm clouds and lightning. It was amazing.

I wrapped my fingers gingerly around the hilt and the sun immediately started shining. Light engulfed me and I could feel a warm vibration from the wand.

Mr. Olivander smiled brightly down at me.

"The wand chooses the wizard. I thought I was mad when I made it all those years ago. Seven inches, silver birch. It will serve you well I think." "What is the core?" I asked, mesmerized by the feel of it in my hand. I had read a little of my school books, just to make myself believe it was all real. I knew every wand had a magical core.

"The core is very peculiar. I have never found anything like it before or since. I made this wand as a favor to the creature who supplied the core. It is an experience I will never forget. I thought that wand would sit in a dusty corner far longer than I would be able to stand here and match wand with wizard."

I was impatient. "But what was the creature?"

He hesitated before speaking again, "They are called Valkyrie. Some cultures say they are immortal princesses who ferry the spirits of fallen warriors to the afterlife. In reality, they are pegasi - winged horses - who have the ability to control the weather and can make the choice, once in their life, to become human." "Why would such a beautiful creature choose to be human?"

"They have lives just as complex as ours. Sometimes they need a change. Haven't you ever felt like something needed changing?" "Yes, but I wouldn't change who I am because of it."

His eyes twinkled knowingly at her.

"The creature that supplied the core of this wand decided to become human for the man she loved. The feather and hair that makes up the core are hers, the last remnants of her former life."

"Why would she want them made into a wand?" "She said that some day someone would need to find themselves and this wand would be the mirror they need."

* * *

His story was haunting. I didn't understand what could make someone hate themselves enough to demand such a change of being. But I hope one day I can find someone that I would be willing to sacrifice everything for.

I can't stop thinking about that story. I can't help wondering if the Valkyrie misses her wings.

There's something about her. I feel like I should know her. When he was telling the story I felt some pull, like a yank on my spine pulling me closer, pulling me in.

* * *

Someone's just come into my compartment. I'll write again tonight after whatever happens on the first night at a school of magic.


	3. Chapter 3

**I am introducing a little Norse mythology to the world of Harry Potter. If you don't like it, I am sorry but this story is going to show my love of mythology just a little bit.**

**Now, what is this connection Icera feels for the magical creature that provided the means for her wand?**

* * *

**September 2, 1971**

The feast was fabulous, the castle is enormous and magical, duh. But I'm still so irritated at what happened after I stopped writing that I can hardly appreciate it all.

The people who came into my compartment were three boys. They were loud and didn't notice I was sitting there. One of them sat on me.

Seriously.

* * *

"What's this? Sorry 'bout that. Didn't hurt you, did I?" I shook my head and watched them through wary eyes.

"We didn't realize anyone was sitting here. Everywhere else is full, do you mind if we join you?"

The boy who spoke that time was frail looking, like he'd been sick recently. But he was handsome with his light brown hair falling in shaggy curls across his face and his amber eyes. He was nervous, but so was I.

"I don't mind so long as you don't sit on me anymore." "Can't promise that, love. What if I need to be comforted?"

The obnoxious bloke who spoke was tall for his age with black hair that hung long past his chin in waves of satin. His blue eyes were full of laughter and they were hiding something. Immediately I felt I should be wary of him.

"I'm not your love. You don't even know me. And if you want comfort you'll have to find it elsewhere." "Feisty, I like that. But playing hard to get will only pave the road so far." "I'm not hard to get, I'm not interested."

His jaw dropped for half a second before he recovered himself and he fell into the other boy's arms crying dramatically, "Oh, what shall I do? She denies me! I'm doomed to wander the world alone for all eternity, haunting those who are NOT rejected by their one true love." "Sirius, you're heavy. Stop that. Besides, you're eleven, does anyone really find their true love at age eleven?"

"We're being awfully rude. I'm Remus Lupin, those two are James Potter and Sirius Black." "Interesting company, I suppose he could be said to be entertaining." I said gesturing towards Black, who was currently sobbing grotesquely into his mate's shoulder.

"And who are you that denies my love and affection?" He sprang up so quickly I dropped my book in the floor. The change was instantaneous. Not that I believed he was upset in the first place, I just hadn't realized how fast he could go from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other.

"My name is Hunter." "Hunter?" "No last name?" "Hunter is my last name." "Then why don't you tell us your first?" "I don't like my first name." "Why not?" "It reminds me of the past. You said you're eleven?"

The subject change was not subtle and it makes me cringe to know I was that obvious about how much the subject upset me but what's done is done. Remus let me make the switch.

"Yeah, we're all first years. How bout you?" "Same. Were you all friends before?" "Sort of. James and Sirius have known each other their whole lives, they're pure bloods and they get put together a lot." "Purebloods?" "Blimey, are you a muggle-born?"

The excitement in Sirius's eyes was palpable. It made me cautious.

"I don't know. My parents died when I was very young. I grew up in a muggle orphanage." "That sounds interesting." "Not really." "My parents are both magical but not purebloods. Sirius and James come from a long line of magic." "So long it fades back into the dark ages. Trust me, you were better off at the orphanage." The something he was hiding flared briefly to the surface where I identified it as pain and rage.

It was easy to recognize such things when you had been watching people as long as I had. You had to look carefully so you knew when they would strike. So you knew what they were planning and how they would react. He was more difficult to read than most, but still, to a trained eye it was no problem.

* * *

It didn't sound like I would have liked living with his parents any more than I had liked living at the orphanage with all those desperately heart-broken children.

I'm sure both places have their merit and their bad days. It might be interesting to see which of us bares more scars. Of course, he would never know about mine. No one would. Not if I can help it.

* * *

But back to what happened:

We sat and the boys chattered for a while. They tried to get me to open up and tell them what the orphanage had been like but I was hardly forthcoming.

"Come on Hunter, tell us. We don't know what it's like. We're dying to know." "Well, your parents would have to die for you to find out. You're so interested about my life but you seem to have forgotten the reason children find themselves in a home full of other frightened children. Are you always so insensitive?" "Are you always so stubborn and aloof?" "Yes. You learn such things in the orphanage."

I turned back to look out the window on my right. There was suddenly a hand on my knee and I stood up quickly and was half-way out the door of the compartment when James caught my wrist.

"I just wanted to say that we're sorry for your loss. You're right, we're insensitive. We tend to look on the bright side of things and forget the hurt that goes with adventure." "Please let go of me."

I was amazed at how calm my voice was. He let go and pleaded with those deep brown eyes for me to forgive them.

I sat back down next to the exit without looking away from him, as much forgiveness as I was capable of pushed into the action.

"So, how long have you been on your own?" The question came from Black and his friends groaned and started trying to hush him up. "How long have you been on your own, Black?"

A spark of fire ignited in his ocean eyes and he bit his tongue as his friends requested.

* * *

Apparently two could play the "unhappy home" card here and he was less willing to play than I was. Perhaps his scars would hold up in a contest betwixt us.

* * *

We rode a little further in silence until James got bored and pulled out a set of Exploding Snap cards. I was interested despite my wariness around these boys. I watched intently, forgetting that I was supposed to be ignoring them.

"Sirius, hurry up! They're smoking." "Not until you say it." "I won't." "Then you won't have eyebrows for the Sorting Ceremony." "Sirius..." the whine in James' tone brought a smile to his friend's face.

"What is a Sorting Ceremony?"

I couldn't help myself. I was curious. I had read a lot of _Hogwarts' A History_ but nothing about a Sorting Ceremony. Was this some sort of test I was going to fail because I had grown up in the muggle world?

The boys all turned to me, James and Sirius with looks like they had forgotten I was there to begin with. Sirius answered me.

"Every first year has to be sorted before the Welcome Feast. My cousin Bella told me about it. Apparently it's this really difficult test you have to pass or they send you back home. If you do pass you get put into one of four different houses based on your score. If you barely pass you become a Hufflepuff. The top scorers go to Gryffindor and Slytherin."

"Sirius, that's cruel. Don't worry Hunter, it isn't a test that you can pass. But there are four different houses. Each house is based on a principal character. That's how we're sorted, based on which of those characters is strongest in us. Gryffindors have courage and Ravenclaws are all bookworms. Hufflepuff is generally associated with weakness by pureblood families because they take everyone so long as you're nice and caring. Slytherin is the house of purebloods. There aren't that many left so it accepts more than that but Salazar Slytherin, the founder of that house, really fought for pureblood pride and only wanted to teach the pure. The solution was to give him a house of his own so he could pick and choose who he taught to. Slytherin ends up with a lot of mean kids because that's how a lot of pureblood families raise their kids."

"I won't be in Slytherin, I don't care that it's tradition. I don't care that everyone in my family has been in Slytherin. I won't be. I'm choosing my own fate." Sirius had a fiercely determined look on his face and I almost thanked Fate that I didn't have anyone to disappoint back home. James took the spotlight off his friend, "I don't have as much riding on it. My parents don't care where I end up so long as I stay focused on my studies and get good grades. Dad would like me to be on the Quidditch team as well, but he won't push."

"Which house do you want to be in, Remus?" "I don't care at all. I won't be in Slytherin just because I really wouldn't fit in there. I'd like Gryffindor, but I'm nowhere near as brave as James or Sirius. I like to learn though, so maybe Ravenclaw. How about you?"

I had no idea. And I forgot to worry about it when the whole compartment exploded.

They had forgotten about the game of Exploding Snap and the cards had reminded them with a bang. They were covered in soot. James and Sirius both lost their eyebrows and my hair got singed.

* * *

I wasn't a shrieker. I didn't scream when a spider or a mouse came across my path. I didn't freeze with fear and start bellowing for help when things went wrong.

I got very quiet.

The boys were laughing at how ridiculous they all looked. Remus shook his head and tried to wipe the soot off his pants. James tried to clean his glasses on clothes that were so dirty they just smeared more soot on the lenses. Sirius didn't even try to recover, he just leaned back in his seat and laughed with everything he had.

I was still quiet.

* * *

If I spoke to them now it couldn't possibly end well.

"Are you okay, Hunter?" I shook my head, not a 'no' but a request to be left alone. He didn't inquire again. Sirius was not as intelligent as his friend.

"It's jut a little soot. Get over it. Can't you take a joke? It wasn't even on purpose. Don't be such a pansy."

I couldn't control it. It just happened.

The lovely day fading into a warm night outside our window grew dark and cloudy. Rain pelted the window and thunder crashed nearby.

The boys went to look out and see what had come upon us.

I knew it was me and I tried to reign it in. I tried to calm down and forget I was mad. I took a deep breath. The smell of burnt hair invaded my senses and I lost all semblance of control. Lightning struck our compartment, shattering the glass in the window and leaving a scorch mark inches from Sirius' left foot.

* * *

The boys all jumped back and ran into a very imposing, very tall bearded figure. Albus Dumbledore was on the train.

"Is everyone alright?" "Professor Dumbledore!" "It was an accident." "What are you talking about, Hunter? Of course it was. Lightning struck the compartment, Professor." "What are you doing on the train?" "I felt like taking a stroll through London and thought I'd catch a ride back."

He waved his wand and the glass fitted itself back together without a sound. The boys all looked awed. I couldn't bring myself to look at Dumbledore. He knew it was me.

"Are you all enjoying the ride?" "It's always interesting Professor. Never a dull moment." "Well, perhaps you should...oh. I see. Perhaps you wouldn't mind a little assistance with your school robes?"

He waved his wand again and the soot vanished. He couldn't replace the lost hair, or didn't. He did chuckle at the boys before frowning over his spectacles at me.

"I hope you have enough sense not to show up in the Great Hall in such a state. Perhaps you should stick to quieter games such as chess for the remainder of our journey. Though I believe we will be arriving shortly."

"Thank you Professor." "Any time my dear. See you at the feast."

He disappeared with a_ pop_ that left my ears tingling. I couldn't bring myself to look at the boys.

* * *

He was right, we did arrive right after that. Dumbledore must have gone on up to the school because we didn't see him on the platform.

We were met by Hagrid, the very large game keeper for Hogwarts. He called out for the first years and led us to a great black lake with little boats waiting for us.

The storm I had called earlier was still in the sky but the rain held back. Until we got into the boats.

The four of us found ourselves in the same boat and I wasn't paying attention as we sailed across the lake with no oars. The boys were chattering quietly but I ignored them.

Suddenly, Sirius got excited and threw his hands out to use them to demonstrate as he spoke. He hit me in the face and I flew overboard.

The lake water soaked me straight through in an instant and fear gripped me for a moment. The orphanage had never taught us to swim. There had never been an opportunity or a need. I was going to drown on my first day of school. I would never know if I really belonged here or not. That doubt would always be there.

The storm turned fierce, the wind rocking the boats viciously on the water as rain poured from the sky.

* * *

I want to finish writing but whatever the school nurse, Madame Pomfrey, gave me is pulling me into sleep. I'll write before classes tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

**September 3, 1971**

I'm writing this very quickly before breakfast. Before the day starts and I forget everything else.

* * *

So I was writing about the trip to Hogwarts. I fell in and the storm pounded the water of the lake. I was sinking slowly and barely noticed the flash of lightning as it reached the water.

I did feel when strong arms wrapped around my waist and hoisted me onto dry land. I was just awake enough to recognize that the person who had saved me was green, with water plants in her hair, and a tail. She smiled pointed teeth at me and disappeared as I coughed out the water in my lungs.

Hagrid appeared over me once he had finished thanking the creature.

"Ye'll get to meet plenty of creatures here Hunter. There's no need to go diving after 'em. Come on, up with ye. Ye need to see Madame Pomfrey afore the sortin'."

"Was that a mermaid?" "Of course it was. Here, ye must be freezing." He draped his very large coat over my shoulders, which made me look even more like a drowned rat. Some of the kids laughed at the sight of me. The three boys responsible for my flight were quietly standing to one side.

"Are you okay, Hunter?" "I'm fine." "Sirius has something to say to you." "Sorry." He forced the words out as a blush crept up his cheeks.

Luckily, Hagrid pulled me away before I could respond. What did you say to someone who had accidentally almost drowned you? He didn't look particularly sorry though.

* * *

A very stern woman in a green dress and a bun took charge of me as the rest of the first years filed into the corridor to wait for instructions.

"Hagrid said you fell into the lake." "Yes ma'am." "Madame Pomfrey will take care of you. Wait here for me."

She left me in a small room. The door she went through looked out into a long hall full of people and four long tables. Professor Dumbledore met her gaze from his position at the teacher's table before the door closed.

* * *

Madame Pomfrey was a middling-aged woman with brown hair pulled back in a bun with flyaway curls framing her face. The apron she wore was crisp and clean. She brought forth a bottle from one of the pockets and made me drink an absolutely vile concoction. Then the woman, her name was Professor McGonagle, led me back to the others.

Silence reigned when she cleared her throat to get everyone's attention.

"In a few moments I will lead you through this door and begin the Sorting Ceremony. There are four houses: Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Slytherin. While you are here your house will be like your family. Good behavior will earn points any rule breaking, and you will lose points. Follow me."

She didn't wait for us to come to terms with our future being decided on the other side of that door. She just led us right into it.

A very little man was bringing in a three-legged stool and a raggedy hat. The hat was ancient. Moldy looking and tattered but he carried it like it was the most valuable hat in the world.

He set both down in front of the entire school, between the house tables and the teacher's table.

I was anxious to begin. Was this hat going to decide my fate somehow? Could it tell if I really belonged here?

We waited.

I was impatient now. What was McGonagle up to, building up the tension until we were ready to explode?

What felt like hours was actually half-a-minute. The hat began to sing.

_A storm is coming_

_the Wind knows_

_Whispers and blows_

_The storm is coming_

_Lightning flash_

_and Thunder crash_

_A storm is coming_

_the dark rolls in_

_the fight begins_

_The storm is coming_

The hall was silent. It wasn't just the first years that were shocked, though I think the others may have been shocked by the message and not that a hat could sing. It was a dark message. One that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.

Dumbledore was looking at me.

A hat was telling everyone I was coming. Great. Nothing could go wrong with that.

"When I call your name come forward. I will place the Sorting Hat on your head and you will join your fellows at your house table."

The list was a long one and I got more and more nervous with every name called. Some kids were sorted right away, the hat shouting out their destination before it had settled on their heads. Others took longer. Sirius Black took five whole minutes. He looked like he wanted to rip the hat to shreds and light it on fire. Eventually it yelled out "Gryffindor" and he went to his seat with a triumphant smirk on his face.

The other two boys I had ridden with were quickly sorted into Gryffindor as well. It wasn't long before my name was called, "Hunter, Icera"

* * *

I was shaking. Hopefully everyone would just think the lake had made me cold.

I straighened my pine and tried to look confident as I strode up to Professor McGonagle and the ragged Sorting Hat.

I sat on the stool and waited. The hat "hmm"ed to himself for a minute before it spoke.

* * *

_"How peculiar. Do you know what you are? What your destiny has in store for you?"_ "Please, Dumbledore said I'm a witch." _Don't fret, child. You are extremely magical. There is no doubt that you belong here. But where to put you?"_ "I don't care where I go so long as you say I can stay." _"You have a thirst for knowledge even Rowena would respect. You are kind, just like a Hufflepuff I once knew. But I think it is bravery that marks you best. Go and be brave in_

_"GRYFFINDOR!"_

* * *

The hall had sat in silence as I waited for the verdict. Was I meant to be here, or would they ship me back to the orphanage?

When I heard the hat shout the name of my house, I was so excited I took off towards the loudest table with the Sorting Hat still on my head. I spun quickly and handed it over to Professor McGonagle but Hagrid's very large coat did not help me regain my balance. Just as I was about to come face-to-face with the floor a hand reached out and caught my elbow.

Sirius Black smirked at me as he hauled me back to my feet and helped me into my seat at the Gryffindor table.

My blush was deep and ran all the way up my ears as he just continued to smirk at me.

"This is where I would normally say something about how you keep falling for me, but seeing as I pushed you the first time, I'll let this one go." "Such noble character. Thanks."

* * *

The feast went by quickly. Dumbledore told us all to stay out of the Forbidden Forest and warned us not to misbehave so our house might win the House Cup at the end of the year. Then he said a funny word and heaps and heaps of food appeared in front of us.

I had never seen so much food in my life.

The orphanage never starved us but most nights ended in still-rumbling bellies. The food on one table along could have fed the orphanage for over a year. I had to remind myself not to get carried away. Eating this much rich, good food all at once would surely make me sick after the orphanage fare of porridge and stale bread. I hadn't had meat in years.

I restrained myself, but barely. The boys had no such restraint. They piled their plates sky high with food and shoveled as much of it into their mouth as they could hold. It was grotesque. Remus managed to eat with a bit more decorum but he ate just as much as his friends. He smiled sheepishly at me when he noticed me watching James and Sirius, who were so focused on their food they couldn't possibly have been disturbed by anything less than a tornado ripping through the table and taking away their meal.

* * *

At the end of the meal the remaining food vanished and left sparkling clean plates that looked like they had never been used.

Two older students stood from the table and called for the first years to follow them.

We went up stairs that moved and passed paintings whose subjects moved and talked and flitted to different frames to chat with their neighbors. We met a ghost named Nearly Headless Nick who warned us that Peeves was throwing dung bombs in the corridor up ahead.

"You'll want to be wary of Peeves. He's a poltergeist that just loves to make trouble. Stay out of his way if you can. There is always more than one way to get anywhere in this castle and you'll want to take the longer route to avoid him. Don't make the mistake of thinking you'll get by unscathed where Peeves is involved."

Personally, I thought meeting a poltergeist would be at the very least educational. James and Sirius seemed to be thinking along the same line because they kept glancing in the direction we were now moving away from, hoping for a look at the trouble making spirit.

* * *

We came to a stop in front of a painting of a very large woman. She asked for the password and one of the prefects said,

"Red Storm"

The lady nodded and the painting swung off the wall to reveal a doorway leading to a spacious room draped in red. Comfy-looking red couches faced a large fireplace which was framed by comfy-looking red wing back chairs. Tables and chairs lined one side of the room and looked perfect for a study session.

The first years all gathered inside the room to listen to the prefects give final instructions.

"This is the Gryffindor common room. Girls dormitories are up the stairs on your left, boys the same on your right. Tomorrow is a day of adjustment. Get used to your surroundings and your roommates because classes start bright and early Monday morning. Breakfast is served from six to eight, when classes begin. Don't be late. Check the bulletin board for house announcements."

The prefects left for their own dormitories or to shoo the older students to bed. Two redheads by the fire got scolded and ushered up the stairs as I got herded up the girls' stairs. James and Sirius had their heads together as they made their way to their new home but Remus shouted goodnight to me over the crowd of our fellow Gryffindors.

I couldn't help the smile on my face. I hadn't been so happy in a long time. There was just something about this place and the people in it that made me feel like I belonged. I had felt it when I stepped through the barrier to get to the train. I felt it before I was thrown from the boat that needed no oars to glide across the vast lake. Something in the air here screamed "home" to me.

The fact that I already seemed to have friends didn't hurt anything either.

* * *

I had never felt the need to make friends. I had always known better. As soon as you got attached to someone they left you. My mother and father had left before I could really remember their faces. My friends at the orphanage got adopted or transferred. I had learned early on not to get attached.

But I couldn't help myself from wanting to be friends with these people. I wanted to fit in and be liked. I wanted someone to do my homework with and maybe sit by the lake on a warm day.

I wanted someone to write to at the end of the year when I would be packed up and sent back to the orphanage. Where I would be alone and would start to wonder if I had dreamed all of this up. Because underage witches and wizards weren't allowed to practice their magic away from school. I would be stuck there with crying kids wanting parents that were never coming back. And nothing but hope that this place was real.

* * *

Of course, friends would only bring me heartache. I wouldn't tell them about the things that happened to me when I was little. I wouldn't tell them about my parents' deaths or the horrible things that can happen when your parents aren't there to take care of you anymore. I wouldn't get to see them during the holidays because we aren't allowed to leave except for school. And I live in a muggle orphanage so I wouldn't even know how to get a letter to any friends I might make while I'm here.

It is easier to keep to myself and study hard. I will learn everything this place has to teach me and I will pray that my imagination has not simply run away with me.

Of course, friends might be nice. They might help me understand what I have trouble with because I didn't grow up in this world.

But most likely I will end up heartbroken. Safer not to try.

* * *

I woke up the next day, our only free day that I knew of, with a cold. Whatever Madame Pomfrey had given me didn't work and I had to spend the day in the infirmary. She made me drink several truly nasty potions and told me to sleep it off under her watchful eye. I stayed up just long enough to write a little bit and then sleep came.

I had nightmares about being abandoned all night and woke up several times feeling like I couldn't breathe.

Anyway, breakfast is over and Professor McGonagle is handing out our time tables. I'll write again after classes.


	5. Chapter 5

**September 3, 1971**

* * *

First class of the day was Transfiguration with the Slytherins. I had heard a lot about the rivalry between our houses last night and over breakfast. James and Sirius were very against sharing anything with the "blood fanatics" until they had a brilliant idea: They were going to make the Slytherins lives as painful as possible.

Apparently they fancy themselves "prank masters" and have been plotting all day. After the incident on the train (my hair is still brittle and smells faintly of gunpowder) I know what they can do without trying. Imagining what they might accomplish when they set out to be destructive makes me worry just a little. I think I need to research protection spells.

Anyway, they didn't pull anything today, thank God. Professor McGonagle introduced her class.

"Transfiguration is one of the most difficult magics to master. Over the course of the year you will learn the basic art of transfiguring. The first thing you need to know is that the more complex the object is you are trying to transfigure, the more difficult it is to accomplish. That is why we will start with turning matchsticks into needles. Everyone turn to chapter one in your book and start reading. I want a full page of notes handed in before you try the spell on your matchstick. Begin."

I had already read this chapter and taken copious notes. I looked them over and skimmed through the chapter again before I stood and headed towards my Head of House's desk.

She looked mildly perplexed as I stood in front of her.

"Can I help you Miss Hunter? I was under the impression the Headmaster had sent your books to you." "He did Professor. I've read the chapter and written my notes. I'd like to try the spell now, if you don't mind." She smiled as I handed over my notes.

She looked over them briefly before handing them back and I took them back to my seat, aware of every eye on me as I did so. I was sitting next to one of the girls in my dorm: Lily Evans. She was shocked but quickly smiled at me and went back to reading. Everyone else took their sweet time returning to their assignment so I tried to ignore them as I focused on what I had read about this particular spell.

* * *

The matchstick and a needle are roughly the same size, both made of few materials. It shouldn't be too difficult. However, I was nervous. This would be my first attempt at any spell. Sure, the weather responded to my every whim but this was different. This had a spell I had to say and wand movements and _every_ eye was on me again.

Even Lily couldn't help but satisfy her curiosity as to whether or not I could pull it off.

There was no getting out of it. I had an audience. So I just went for it.

I said the spell and swished my wand with a flourish, just as the book described.

I hadn't been looking, I closed my eyes, unable to bare the weight of those gazing eyes. So when the whole room gasped I kept my eyes closed, still picturing the needle I wanted to be in front of me.

"Miss Hunter?" I opened my eyes and looked up at Professor McGonagle standing over me. "Yes, Professor?" "Very good job, Miss Hunter. However, next time, pull your magic in to do only what you ask of it. This is impressive, but wildly out of control. Unless you _meant_ to change everyone's matchstick?" "What?"

Now I looked around the room. Where once sat matchsticks there was now a perfect silver needle in front of every student.

* * *

"You did very well. Most students don't manage to turn their matchstick into a needle until the second or third lesson. I think 20 points to Gryffindor for reading ahead and another 20 points for your concentration. Come see me this weekend and we will talk about your control." "Yes Professor."

She went back to her desk as the other Gryffindor first years clapped and whistled until she turned a very stern look on us, "Don't you have some reading to do?" the room went silent but James and Sirius and Remus all smiled from the table in front of me.

* * *

The rest of the day went along in the same fashion. We had Charms with the Ravenclaws where we learned a levitation spell. It was as easy as feeling weightless myself. I had imagined I could fly since I was a little girl so this was much easier than the matchstick.

In History of Magic, the teacher was a ghost! Seriously. He sat there, transparent and acted like that was normal. Which, I guess for him, it was. Sirius said he had been a teacher for so long that when he died in his sleep, he simply got up and floated to class and kept teaching.

I think most of the kids think it's a dull subject. I think it's fascinating. Of course, I haven't grown up with this stuff so hearing about goblin wars is like walking into a book. The _Hogwarts a History_ text is the one I read the most before school started, I'm almost all the way through. However, hearing the lecture gave a new perspective. It wasn't just a story but history. This had all actually happened once upon a time.

It's the only class I didn't stand out in, except for the fact that I didn't fall asleep in the first ten minutes and didn't jolt awake at the dismissal bell.

Tomorrow we have Potions with Slytherin, Defense Against the Dark Arts with Ravenclaw and Herbology with the Hufflepuffs. I'm so excited.

Everyone else is grumbling about the homework assigned. It isn't much, really. Professor McGonagle asked for a 6" paper on the basic principles of Transfiguration and Professor Flitwick, the Charms professor just told us to practice our wrist movements. I don't think the ghostly Professor Binns quite realized he could assign homework, or that class was over. He seemed to keep talking as everyone left.

* * *

Dinner was fabulous but thankfully not as extravagant as the opening feast. I am still being careful with what I eat and how much. Some of it is so rich I can't take more than a bite, I'm steering clear of the desserts altogether.

Now, I'm sitting in the common room writing this while some of the older students study or relax. It seems that the fifth year students have some sort of exam at the end of the year and the Professors are already assigning them a ton of homework. I'm excited to get to that point, it will mean that this wasn't a dream.

* * *

*&amp;%^%#%^%###$^****! $%

* * *

Sorry about that. James and Sirius and Remus came and interrupted me.

It is now actually the 4th but I figured I should finish writing about yesterday before I go to sleep and today starts.

Like I said, a lot of kids were doing homework, Lily among them. She said she didn't want to fall behind and looked at me like it was my fault if she did. I think she's a worrying type of person though, so I'm not going to stress out about upsetting her.

James and Sirius didn't seem to think the homework was any big deal. Of course, James had managed to get a very sharp matchstick and Sirius's had managed a silver one, so they were on the right track.

Remus was worried he might not get it though, so they came to me to help. Or so they said.

What ended up happening, was me transforming a matchstick while trying to explain how to do it and Remus trying to pay attention until his friends started the interrogation.

* * *

"So, how did you do that in class today?" "Yeah, I thought you said you grew up in a muggle orphanage and didn't know anything about magic?" "I did." "Then what was up with that?" he indicated the needle sitting in front of me.

"I studied as soon as I got my books this summer. I've been reading all of the books and practicing the movements and pronunciations for months. It's just practice."

"McGonagle seemed pretty shocked when you transfigured every matchstick in the room. Even we know that was weird." "Look, I don't know what to tell you. I didn't do it on purpose and I don't know how it happened." "But McGonagle wants to talk to you this weekend." "Yes." "Why?" "Because when you can't control your magic people can get hurt."

* * *

My logic seemed to get through to him so I turned back to Remus.

"Look, why don't you try it so I can see what you're doing." "You transfigured the only matchstick." "Oh, right, no problem." I flicked my wand and it went back to a matchstick. They looked suspicious again. "That's chapter two. Read it and see for yourselves. And stop looking at me like that. I don't have two heads. If you don't want to learn, go away. Remus, try it now."

I focused on Remus so I could ignore his friends. James and Sirius were starting to get on my nerves. How should I know how I managed any of this? I still sort of thought I was dreaming.

* * *

I fixed Remus's wand motion and his pronunciation but he still didn't quite get it. He grew frustrated and then upset.

"Don't worry about it, Remus. You'll get the hang of it. Professor McGonagle said most students don't get it until the third lesson." "But what if I never get it?" "Don't think like that. Practice." "I don't think all the practice in the world will help me."

I can't stand pity parties. Never could.

"If you don't want my help then go away." "What? No, I want help." "Then pull yourself together. If you didn't belong here, you wouldn't be here. If you'll put in the work then you'll get it. But I won't help someone who just wallows in self pity and blames fate for their problems. A little bit of effort goes a long way. So suck it up."

Everyone looked at me like I was an alien. Great. All I really wanted was to study and learn and go on my merry way without attracting too much attention. Attention meant someone might find out I was different. Dumbledore had hinted that might not be a good thing.

Why was I even bothering to help these people? I didn't care to be friends with them. I didn't care if he failed.

His determined look as he straightened his shoulders and tried again were what did it.

Remus was going to do better. He was going to try harder. I could see the respect in his eyes. He really wanted to do well in school. I couldn't deny him my help when he wanted it so badly.

* * *

The others were still annoying. Lily kept watching us, making notes when I corrected something Remus was doing. James and Sirius just kept saying how bored they were.

"If you're bored, then leave." "Remus, come on. Let's go do something fun." "I'm busy." "But we're your friends. We need you to come do stuff with us." "Remus, you're coming along quite nicely with this. Perhaps the three of you could take a break and leave me alone."

The dismissal was not subtle and my agitation was quite obvious. I had never been able to hide those sorts of emotions. Sadness was like it never existed and happiness was kept a tight lid on but irritation and anger were always readily available.

My hostility had kept me safer than any friends could.

Remus looked apologetic as he stood and gathered his things. Sirius tugged him up the stairs as he turned to me, "Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it." I couldn't say no to that sincerity. "No problem, Remus. I'll help you any time."

He smiled as he finally let his friends drag him away.

* * *

Lily turned to me after they left,

"You're Hunter, right?" "Yes." "I'm Lily Evans, we're in the same dorm." "I know; did you want something?" "Sorry to interrupt, I just...we're sort of in the same boat. I'm muggle-born. I just wanted to thank you." "What for?" "I wasn't really sure I could make the cut here."

"All it takes is practice. There's nothing special about me." "It was nice of you to help Remus." "I'll help anyone who genuinely wants to learn." "James and Sirius are kind of loud, I'm surprised you handled them so well." "They rode in my compartment on the train. It didn't take long to figure out I needed to be stern with them."

"What happened?" "They burnt off their eyebrows and some of my hair playing exploding snap." "I wondered about that." "I was not pleased." "I can imagine."

She seemed to want to continue talking so I didn't get my diary out immediately. I waited for her to spit out whatever it was she was trying to say.

"I don't have many friends around here." "You've only been here a couple of days." "Do you think, maybe we could study together?" "Sure, if you like." Her smile was one of those that kind of lights up the room around you. It was almost infectious.

"How about we meet in the library after classes tomorrow?" "Sounds good." "I'm going to bed, tomorrow sounds like a long day." "I'll be up in a minute."

* * *

She left and I am still sitting here writing. It may not be so easy to keep my distance here. There's nowhere really to hide from all these people. I could try to keep my magic in check and stay with the rest of the class. But that would be dishonest with myself. If I _can_ do it, I _should_, right?

Besides, if my professors don't know what level I'm on then they won't be able to teach me as much as I want to learn. And who can really complain if I'm at the head of the class when my being so has earned Gryffindor so many points this early in the year?

If all of this ends up with me having friends, I have only two options: continue as I am and make friends and possibly get hurt, or be dishonest with myself and my teachers and fall short of my potential.

I have lived so long depending on myself and no one else that I am not sure how to go about _not_ preparing myself for what might come. I can't pretend I know less than I do. I can make friends and still keep my distance. Acquaintances can't possibly hurt me and I'll stay so aloof that they won't be able to get too attached to me either.

Everything will be fine.


	6. Chapter 6

**September 4, 1971**

* * *

We had potions with the Slytherins today. It was as interesting as predicted. James and Sirius were absolutely determined that Slytherin wasn't going to have a quiet day. The calm was over and the storm was about to rage.

Double potions should have been exhausting all by itself. Those two made it completely unbearable. Professor Slughorn told us to turn to the first chapter in our books and brew the potion with a partner. Lily was sitting next to a greasy haired boy I heard her call Severus. James and Sirius were together and Remus was sitting with a chubby boy named Peter. That left me with a Slytherin boy named Malfoy.

He sneered at me as Slughorn told him to sit down in the available seat. His friends snickered and told him that was what he got for being late. I really couldn't be bothered to hate him for the color of his tie. I opened my book to chapter one and went to fetch the ingredients I would need from the cupboard at the front of the room. I got back to the table with an armload of absolutely vile sounding things like: frog spawn, lizard tongue, eye of newt, razorback wings

Lucius looked at me and at what I was holding and turned his head away in disgust.

I just looked at the book for further instructions.

I began chopping up the lizard tongue while I waited for my cauldron to come to a boil.

Lucius flipped lazily through his book like he was looking something up while I worked. I didn't mind. I prefer to work alone and I'd rather him not mess up the potion just for kicks.

* * *

Professor Slughorn wandered around the room correcting people's potions and chatting with the students. He seemed very pleased with Lily and Severus. Apparently their potion was much further along than most. He also seemed to appreciate their friendship. Obviously not all Slytherins were hung up on blood status.

I just continued working on my potion while Lucius sat there looking bored and not talking to me. It was coming along pretty well until I turned away to measure out my eye of newt. When I turned back around the potion was bubbling out of control. Lucius still wasn't paying attention but two pairs of eyes were turned our way.

James and Sirius were watching our station. The grins on their faces gave away what they had done.

"Lucius, you may want to duck." "What?" "Get down." "Don't tell me what to do." "Fine."

I made my way to the front of the classroom under the pretext of getting more eye of newt. Just as I made it to the teacher's desk the potion exploded.

* * *

Lucius was cursing until he started screaming. Apparently, whatever the boys had put in my cauldron had not mixed well with the potion we were brewing.

Lucius's face was sprouting large pus-filled boils and turning bright red.

Professor Slughorn was caught in the blast. His hands were swollen and red. He was very unhappy.

"Dolohov, take Malfoy to the hospital wing. Miss Hunter, explain yourself." "Me,sir?" "Yes. What went wrong with your potion? Or did you do that on purpose?" "Of course not, Professor. I was just making the potion as the book instructed." "Then why is your potion causing blood boils?" "I'm not sure, Sir." "You will stay late this weekend and recreate this potion for you and Mr. Malfoy." "Yes Professor."

* * *

I could have ratted out the two so-called pranksters. Perhaps I should have. But I was used to keeping things to myself and getting my own revenge.

Now I was spending the majority of my weekend with my professors when I should be studying the things I might actually have a problem with.

They were going to have to learn that you don't interfere with my education. I am rather surprised that I managed not to strike them down with lightning the instant I knew my potion was ruined. Perhaps I am learning control. I have been doing breathing exercises and such ever since the train. The grief councilors who were called on to help me when I was raped taught me to breathe through my emotions. I never thought it would really come in handy but today it did.

I managed to remain absolutely calm even when Slughorn took points from Gryffindor before he went to the hospital wing to get his hands looked at. The class was told to bottle their potions and clean up before leaving.

* * *

The early dismissal from potions left plenty of time for me to plan my revenge and wander the school. Unfortunately, I got a little lost when the staircases moved. I ended up going up when all I wanted to do was go down and out to the grounds for my Herbology lesson. Everywhere I went led me up.

Eventually I came to a corridor that just ended. End of the road. Great. I had managed to end Potions an hour early and I was still going to be late for Herbology.

Suddenly I heard a noise above me and I turned just in time to see a very large woman climbing down a rope ladder from a trapdoor above where I was standing. I moved quickly out of the way. She didn't seem to notice me.

"Excuse me, I'm afraid I'm lost. Could you tell me how to get back down to the Great Hall?" "What, what's this?" "I'm called Hunter. I'm lost." "Of course you are, dear. I saw that you would be. Why do you think I came down when I did?" "I'm sorry Ma'am, I don't think I understand." "I'm Professor Lovegood, the Divinations professor. I saw you in my crystal ball. Come along, I'll take you to the front door."

I wasn't sure I believed in crystal balls and seeing the future. But I still needed her to show me the way, so I let her lead the way.

"I've been watching the omens. There is a storm moving in. But I think you know that, don't you? Your destiny is coming for you, you know. You are going to be far more important than you ever dreamed of being. Study hard. And come see me in a few years. I'll show you how to look and how to see."

* * *

I was very grateful to escape outside by the end of that encounter. The air was nice and chilly. It picked up as I lifted my face to catch the breeze.

There was something about her I just didn't like. She unsettled me. All that talk of destiny got the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. I hoped I'd never see her again. At the very least I intended not to be caught alone with her. I didn't want to be different. I didn't want to be special. Having magic was as special as I needed to be and I was grateful for that much. Any more would be asking too much.

* * *

The rest of the day was quiet in comparison.

Herbology was a bore. Plants were not interesting in the least, even when they were trying to bite your hand off.

Defense Against the Dark Arts was the last class of the day and I was excited for it.

The Ravenclaws beat most of the Gryffindors to class. Apparently, they really do take their academics as seriously as the rumors said. They all had their books out and were taking notes. The hat seemed to be right, I probably would have fit in well with that house. But they seemed so boring. I am a quiet person but they didn't talk to each other but to ask a question about the subject in front of them. They were in their seats and ready to go fifteen minutes before anyone else got there, which means they had to leave lunch much earlier than the rest of us.

I had to wonder if they were acting the part. Were they as bored as they looked? But some of them seemed to honestly enjoy what they were reading and once a couple of them got into a debate over the best way to disarm an opponent. That was actually pretty informative if I could bring myself to trust that their research was sound.

James and Sirius seemed to think they were a bunch of prats intent on making the rest of us look bad.

* * *

"Who do they think they are?" "A bunch of know-it-all prats. That's all Ravenclaw really stands for." "They're just trying to make us look bad." "We don't need any help with the two of you in our midst."

I couldn't help myself. They were so arrogant and judgmental. But the points lost in potions, my failing grade and what amounted to detention with that bulbous wind-bag Slughorn, were all owed to their errant behavior.

They turned scathing looks on me. "Well, why don't you just go sit with them if you feel that way?" "I was sitting here first." Sirius and James stood in front of me like a wall of eleven-year-old muscle. "I'd try and remember that you are a Gryffindor now, Hunter. Gryffindors are meant to be loyal." "That doesn't mean I have to sit back and put up with the stupid antics of the likes of you." "Leave her alone, Potter." "Not now, Evans. We're busy teaching young Hunter here a lesson in manners and loyalty."

"You're the one who needs a lesson in manners, Black. Try to remember you're a Gryffindor now, not a Slytherin like the rest of your family. Where does your loyalty lay?"

I struck a nerve then, that perhaps I should not have.

His wand was up and pointed in my face before a full second could pass. James didn't react in time to intervene. Lily didn't know what was happening. I expected it. I had trod on the viper in his nest. I was going to pay the price.

Before he could utter a spell, or more likely shoot sparks at me as we hadn't even had our first defense lesson, the teacher entered the classroom and told us all to sit down quickly and quietly.

* * *

Sirius narrowed his eyes and lowered his wand but he didn't take his eyes off of me and the scowl never left his face. The potions accident will not be my last, I'm sure of it.

The professor called our attention to the front of the room but Sirius had a very hard time paying attention. He still wanted to hex me. Eventually James whispered something into his ear and a truly evil smirk graced his features before he turned away from me. Definitely not my last "accident".

"I am Professor Stoker and this is Defense Against the Dark Arts, level one. This year we will be working on basic hexes, jinxes and minor protective and evasive spells. Turn to chapter one in your book and take notes."

He went on to describe a good protection charm and its components before comparing it to the jinx it would counteract and why it worked the way it did. He told us to read the first two chapters before next lesson and to be ready to work on disarming spells for next class.

I had a feeling I would need the protection spell before the disarming spells but I would have to work on that in my spare time, obviously.

* * *

They didn't do anything to me during class or on my way to the library before dinner. But I'm not stupid. I know something is coming and it will come sooner rather than later.

But for now I am sitting here, writing as I wait for Lily to show up for our study session. I think I will look for books on protection spells while I wait. I can read them before I go to bed at night, after my homework is finished. I just hope I can learn enough on my own before Sirius and James get too creative in their revenge. Next time I'm mad at them, I'll remember to leave his family out of the equation. I don't think it did anything in my favor.


	7. Chapter 7

**September 4, 1971****_ later_**

* * *

I'm sitting in my four-poster bed, listening to my roommates breathing softly as they sleep. I can't imagine going to sleep right now.

* * *

Lily was late getting to our study session so I went searching for books on protection spells. Madame Pince, the scary librarian, seemed suspicious of my motives when I asked for help locating the materials on my chosen subject. But she led me to a very tall shelf.

"Here is the selection on protection spells." "Which shelf?" "All of them. This subject runs down this entire wall of shelves. Some books are more specific than others. Is there something in particular I can help you find?" "Well, we haven't started on protective spells yet so I should probably start with the basics and work from there. Unless you have a better strategy?"

She eyed me suspiciously over her glasses before she turned to the shelf and pulled three books. She handed them to me carefully, with reverence.

"These should do to start. Read them in the order I've given them to you for the best effect. When you've finished I'll help you find the next set." "Thank you." "You're welcome."

She seemed to doubt herself as she said it but I smiled so big that she did too. I was excited to begin. I don't think many of the students here are as intense about books as this librarian. She will be a good ally to have though and I have no intention of ever getting on her bad side.

I took the books back to my desk where I'd been writing earlier. I wanted to dive into the new subject but I didn't want to fall behind in my homework. I compromised by deciding I would read one chapter and then start on my homework. Unless Lily turned up before I'd finished.

She didn't. Like I said, she was late and I had a hard time stopping after just one chapter. It was fascinating. There was a lot that went into the most basic of protection spells. Madame Pince had chosen a set of books that detailed the emotion needed in casting a strong protective spell, the proper wand movements, and the different spells for different occasions.

* * *

It was a great place to start. By the end of these books I will know what frame of mind to be in, and which kind of protection spell I need for whatever occasion. I just hope I can conquer more than theory.

* * *

When Lily finally showed up and plopped down at my table I had begun to write my essay for Professor McGonagle.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. I got caught by that poltergeist and then I got lost." "It's fine. I've started the Transfiguration essay. When we're finished, why don't we exchange and read them over?" "That sounds great! I'm not as familiar with the books as you, do you know what page it lists the basics on?" "The list is on pages 2-6 but it is expanded on in chapter two." "Thanks."

We sat in silence for a while, the only sound our quills scratching across parchment and the murmurs of other students. But the library wasn't really crowded this early in the term and the silence began to frustrate Lily.

She seemed to want to talk but one look at Madame Pince had her nose back in her book.

* * *

Of course, I finished much faster than she did. Six inches was nothing when you'd read and memorized as much of the curriculum as I had.

Transfiguration was fascinating and it felt somehow familiar. I was excited to learn things like the self-transformations McGonagle had mentioned during her first lecture.

But for now I moved on to disarming charms.

The assigned text for Defense Against the Dark Arts was a basic spell book like our other first year classes required. We wouldn't get into the heavy stuff for at least two more years.

This subject was just as fascinating to me as Transfiguration had been but far less natural. Don't get me wrong, I pay attention when I read and I practice my butt off. I definitely won't be behind when we start using the spells. But, it was unfamiliar territory.

* * *

I don't lash out when I'm hurt or frightened. I back up and plan a defense first.

Being on your own, you learn to watch your back first. You learn when to run.

The Hat placed me in Gryffindor, the house of the brave. But I know that I will run before I fight if that is what will save my life.

I think some of the Gryffindors in my year will be naturals at this magic. Some of them are so impulsive. Like Sirius and James. They are just as likely to throw a punch as they are to aim a wand and they do either before they think of something more intelligent to do.

Others are going to be good with protecting people. I think Lily has that natural instinct to protect people. I just get this feeling around her. The way she reacts when the boys pull a prank screams mother.

I just want to make sure I am never again a victim.

* * *

In the meantime, I read the chapters on disarming charms and practiced the pronunciation and wand movements. I took notes and waited for Lily to finish her Transfiguration essay.

Eventually she did and we switched essays as I had suggested.

I made some suggestions to lengthen her essay to make it fit the required six inches but other than that, she had done very well. She was very thorough. She would be a good study partner if she could be on time to our study sessions.

We made to switch back and Lily hesitated before handing mine over. She had been trying to spit something out since she first sat down and I only hoped she would finally get it over with. She was making me nervous with all of her fidgeting.

* * *

"Hunter, can I ask you something?" "Sure." "Do you like it here?" "Where?" "At Hogwarts."

I looked up from the essay in my hands to meet her startling green eyes. They were completely serious and there was a hint of what appeared to be worry in their emerald depths. I had to think about my answer.

"It is unlike anything I have ever known before. I struggle with unfamiliar situations. I prefer to know what I'm dealing with. That being said, I find this place and everything about it completely fascinating. I never even guessed at my being something different than others I knew. I had no clue there was a whole other world hiding parallel to the one I grew up in."

"But do you like it here?" "Yes. I think so. Of course, I'm still sort of waiting to wake up." "Me too!"

Her eyes lit up as she agreed with me, like she had been searching for someone who shared her disbelief.

"You're muggle-born, right? You didn't know about any of this either?" "I'm muggle born, yes. But I have a friend who lives in my village. He saw the signs and told me about this world. It's still a lot to take in though." "So he told you what it would be like here?" "Yes. We met several years ago. He caught me doing magic and told me what I was."

She got this sappy look on her face when she spoke of her friend. Whether this was due to hidden feelings she harbored for said friend or simple joy in the familiar memory is unclear.

* * *

"I was turning seed pods into flowers and making the blooms open and close when he walked up. He called me a witch, straight out to my face. I was about to start crying when he took the flower from my hands and turned it into a wasp. We've been friends ever since and he let me ask endless questions about Hogwarts and what it meant to be a witch."

"That must be nice, to have someone look out for you like that." "It is. He's always been here for me. He never looks down on me for not knowing something. He encouraged me to come when Dumbledore said I didn't have to." "He said what?"

* * *

This was news. I had been given no such choice.

* * *

"When he came to see me, to explain to my parents what all the strange things happening around me meant, he offered me a position at Hogwarts but he also said that I could choose to stay with my family if I wanted. It was Mum really, who asked about it. I think she was scared to let me come at first." "Did you ever really consider not attending Hogwarts?" "I have an older sister. She doesn't have any magic at all but we're still really close. I miss her."

* * *

That's what she had been trying to get at. She missed home and wondered if I did too. She wanted to know if the magnificence that is Hogwarts was enough to make me forget everything I had left behind. Obviously she didn't know where I came from.

* * *

"That must be hard." "It is. She really wanted to come here, she even wrote to Dumbledore asking if he could make an exception for her. But she doesn't have any magic. We had a fight before I got on the train. She called me a freak. I know she didn't mean it though. She was just upset." "She sounds jealous." "She doesn't mean anything by it."

* * *

Maybe it was a good thing I was an only child.

I left a lot of kids back at the orphanage who were sad and frightened to see me go. They knew I would be back, I had promised and I never broke a promise, but only I knew that some of them wouldn't be there when I returned.

What would it be like to miss the ones you leave behind? Would I like Hogwarts less if I had left a sister behind, someone I loved, instead of a sad little orphan girl who had attached herself to me as the guardian of the orphanage?

I don't think so.

* * *

"Are you afraid to like Hogwarts because your sister is making you feel bad?" "She's not." "She is, even if she doesn't mean to. You feel bad that she got left behind. Maybe you even promised her you would talk to someone about her coming in next year, or said that you would teach her over the holidays. And now you feel that you shouldn't like it because she can't be a part of it."

"Dumbledore said there was no place for her to fit in here. He said that without magic she would be helpless in this world. He said it was safer for her to know as little as possible about our world. She's really upset about it. I love it here but I should hate it, because she can't be a part of it. Right?" "No. I don't think so. Anyone who loves you will want you to be happy even if your path leads in a different direction from their own. You shouldn't make yourself miserable because you feel guilty for something completely out of your control. You should make the best of the situation you find yourself in."

She considered my words as I made a few corrections to my essay. I think most people would have studied her as she thought about what I'd said. But I was more happy trying to pretend I hadn't just told her what to do like I knew anything about her situation. I had just given her advice like I cared about the outcome. But I wasn't supposed to be getting close to anyone here. So what had that been about?

She was quiet for a few minutes before I felt her eyes on me again. I sighed quietly to myself before I met her gaze.

"Thanks." "You're welcome. We only have an hour before dinner, do you want to work on the Defense lesson or that drawing for Herbology?" "Um...the drawing I think." "Alright then."

* * *

We actually got a lot done today and it was nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of and help split some of the research. It made the easy stuff less boring and the hard stuff less intimidating to have someone to share the burden with.

I'm going to bed. We got most of our homework done today but I want to go over that Transfiguration essay again before I hand it in tomorrow so I'll be up early.


	8. Chapter 8

**September 5, 1971**

* * *

Transfiguration today was pretty easy for me. We moved on to chapter two: undoing what we just did. I had already managed to do that in my study session with Remus. She assigned those who had still not managed a needle to keep working on that and to have it mastered by next lesson. Then she moved on to un-transfiguring an object. Apparently it is easier to return an object to its natural state because it remembers what that's like.

She just nodded when I said I'd already read the chapter and she smiled a little when I managed the spell. I also managed to only change my own needle into a matchstick. She seemed pleased with that and gave us back all the points Black had made me lose in Potions yesterday.

* * *

I think it's easier to control when I'm not worried about screwing it up. I didn't even think about it when I was showing Remus what he was doing wrong. I am getting used to all the eyes on me as I cast spells too, so I wasn't as worried about screwing up in front of everyone.

Also, it was way more embarrassing to not be able to control my magic than it was to maybe get the spell wrong. After all, most of the class took at least five tries to get anywhere with their matchstick or their needle. There's a lot less pressure to do everything perfectly than what I set on myself. I think if I practice each spell privately first I'll be ok from now on. At least, I hope so.

* * *

Our pre-dinner homework session is looking to become a tradition. Lily showed up on time today but she brought that boy from our Potions class with her.

Severus Snape is not a particularly pleasant person to be around. He acts like he's better than pretty much everyone but Lily. But I think that's mostly a show. Despite my reticence to believe the hype about house rivalries, I can't help but notice that most of the Slytherins tend to think themselves above the rest of us. And they aren't shy when it comes to letting us know that we are inferior.

* * *

I heard a couple of them murmuring about dirty blood and nonsense like that. It might bother me but I've spent the majority of my life in an orphanage. There it doesn't matter where you came from because you all ended up in the same place. I feel the same about being here at Hogwarts. We all got our acceptance letters. We are all here learning the same things together. I think it's kind of ridiculous that a few of them give themselves airs because of who their parents are. That's not going to help them figure out who they want to be or what they want to do with themselves. Not really.

* * *

But back to Severus. Apparently he is the one Lily lives near and who told her all about Hogwarts. He likes her. A lot. Enough to contend with the bad opinions of his house mates to spend time with her. Lily isn't held up by the prejudices of the pure bloods and can't understand why someone would let something like blood status determine who you're friends with. But I can see that it bothers Severus to hear his friends call her names and laugh at him for spending time with her. So far he's not letting that stop him from spending time with her. So far he's not letting that stop him from being friends with her. But I can tell something gotta give. It can't last like this forever.

But in the meantime the three of us worked fairly well together. Severus is really good at potions. Which made it awkward when he offered advice as to how I could avoid blowing up my potion in next lesson.

* * *

"How exactly did you manage to produce blood boils with a peace potion?" "I have no idea." "It must have been a pretty big miscalculation. Or else you added in something very volatile. But you would have had to do something like that on purpose..." "I didn't."

"Malfoy was not happy. He said you did it on purpose." "He's wrong." "So you _didn't_ warn him to duck?" "I did." "But how could you have known to get out of the way if you didn't do it on purpose?"

"No one bothers to ask if Malfoy had anything to do with it." "Malfoy wasn't touching that potion. He was too mad at being paired with you. He was very happy to sit back and let you do all the work." "I was happy to let him." "You weren't mad that a partnered lesson basically left you alone?" "Of course not. I hate being paired up." "Then you did do it." "No." "Do you know who did?" "Nope."

* * *

I know it isn't particularly noble to lie but it isn't noble to tattle either. Besides, if I told and a teacher found out wh

o was really responsible there would be hell to pay. And i wouldn't get my revenge. Though that would have tow ait after what I said to Black. I didn't want to die, after all.

* * *

"I don't believe you." "I'm sorry you feel that way."

He looked like he wanted to say something else but Lily interrupted.

"Well, if it was on purpose whoever did it should feel ashamed of themselves. You could have been hurt. And they got you in trouble with Professor Slughorn." "I saw in plenty of time to get clear. I even tried to save that prig Malfoy from a trip to the hospital wing.

"I'm really more upset that they ruined my potion than anything else." "It doesn't bother you that they got you detention or that they lost all those House Points?" "I earned them in the first place. I don't really care to be honest."

"Hunter, you should really take more pride in your work and in your house. We want to win the House Cup, don't you?"

She looked at me so anxiously, desperately trying to find common ground with me. But I really didn't care about any house cup or house pride. I didn't come here to fit in and be part of something. I came here to learn all I can about what I am and how to protect myself. I'm not getting attached.

"It's moot. I don't know who did it and I already earned back the points lost. And we have a 6 inch essay on the uses of dragon's blood due tomorrow. We should get started."

* * *

They agreed and we got a lot more than the dragon's blood essay finished before dinner. Lily seems like she wants to show Severus that she really belongs here and he hadn't wasted his time on her. So instead of talking and distracting she kept him on track.

Dinner was mostly uneventful. I say mostly because Sirius Black had noticed the three of us leaving the library together and had taken it upon himself to inform us of where our duty lay.

* * *

"Hunter, I thought I made it clear the other day, you are a Gryffindor and should not be hanging out with snake-slime like Snivellus." "I thought I had made it perfectly clear that your bad attitude is a far cry from the honor of a Gryffindor? Does your outrage have a point?"

"Evans, I thought you would have more sense than to hang out with the likes of Snakes." "Bugger off Black. Sev is a friend and we shouldn't let house colors divide us." "That's the point of the Sorting Ceremony, Red." "We're late for dinner. Why don't you leave off the sermon and let us get to it?"

I didn't wait for him to agree or to argue. I pushed around him and Lily and Severus followed me.

"Thanks, Hunter. Black is such a prig." "Yeah, is there a specific reason, or is it just that you're in Slytherin?" "His cousin Bellatrix says he's a disgrace to his family name. He takes it out on those of us who haven't disappointed our family." "Are you a pure blood then?" "No. My mum is pure blood with eccentric tendencies. She fell in love with a muggle."

* * *

That explained more than it didn't.

* * *

Severus Snape was a half-blood in a house intent on blood purity. No wonder he didn't stand up for Lily when his friends made fun of her. It was really impressive that he was still maintaining a friendship with her here at school.

I'd seen Bellatrix Black in the corridors on the way to class and in the Great Hall at mealtimes. She was an unpleasant and loud advocate for purity. She was a bully. She beat on her own house mates as well as everyone else in the castle. I think even the ghosts are a little afraid of her. Except for the Bloody Baron, ghost of Slytherin house - he is creepy as all get out with those chains and blood stains. She avoids him like the plague.

* * *

Anyway, the rest of the evening went by very nicely. Dinner was as splendid as usual. I'm not entirely sure how I'll survive when I get back to the orphanage. The food here is unbelievable. I will definitely have to watch myself. I don't think I'm going to get sick anymore but if I get too used to being full all the time it will make it that much harder to survive the orphanage. Maybe I should restrain myself to two meals a day?

It's something to think about anyway. Eventually I will have to go back and I don't want it to be any harder than it has to be.

My time here is limited, I know that. I want to take away everything I can but I don't want this cushy existence to weaken me. I have to be strong to survive.

* * *

Classes are over for the day and everyone is either in the common room hanging out with their friends or doing homework or they are already in their dormitories for the night. Right now I am sitting in a comfy chair by the fire watching everyone come and go. The rhythm here is easy to sink into and roll with. It's hard to remember sometimes that this will all end in a couple of months.

I think I've convinced myself that I'm not dreaming. I think. But there is still that chance that I'll wake up and everything will be the same as it always has been. I'll be nothing more than a sad orphan girl in an orphanage that everyone looks up to because I know the dangers and the nightmares of being an orphan.

But I'll never see a storm the same again. Every time lightning strikes I'll wonder if I ever had any power over it. I'll wonder if it was me.

I still dream of flying, even here in the castle. Some of the girls cry at night, missing their families and home. I am home. But I still dream of flying. I hope one day I can experience it for real.

* * *

But for now I have to get some sleep. My homework for tomorrow is finished and I'm satisfied with it but I want to read some more about protective charms. I don't have as much time as I'd like to look into it but I'm making progress in the mornings and I read a little before I write in this journal so I'm still getting spend a little time with it.

It is a fascinating subject and I think I'm really starting to grasp the theory pretty well now. I'm about half way through the second of the three books Madame Pince suggested for me. This second one is really focusing on the different varieties of protection spells available for use. There are thousands and they can all be tied together to make one giant, impenetrable shield. If you do it right.

So far it is just talking about the theory of such a thing. It doesn't mention yet if anyone has ever succeeded in casting it.

It does theorize that a shield that strong could protect you from anything. Even the curse of death.

Maybe I'll figure it out some day. At least I wouldn't have to look over my shoulder all the time for Black and Potter.


	9. Chapter 9

**September 6, 1971**

Potions today was a disaster. A complete and utter disaster.

I was paired with Peter Pettigrew, the other first year Gryffindor boy. He's well enough I suppose. But he's hopeless at potions and he insisted on being "helpful".

From the way he kept glancing back at Potter and Black I'd have to say he was screwing things up on purpose. Black definitely has it out for me and Potter goes along with whatever he concocts. Mischief and Mayhem are their favorite things by far and it seems as if they've already won the loyalty of their dorm-mates.

Every time I turned my back to check the directions or to prepare an ingredient, by the time I turned back around the potion was on the verge of ruination. It was so frustrating. Way worse than it just exploding all over the place. I barely managed to keep it balanced but the end result was hardly the success I had intended. Severus and Lily got glowing reviews from the Slug while I barely managed the sniff of disapproval that saved me from anther Saturday detention.

I don't usually speak, or write, badly of my professors but I just _do not_ like Professor Slughorn. He is just a slimy git. And the way he fawns over the people with connections. It's no wonder he's head of Slytherin House because he's always looking to make the greatest connections possible. He has a good eye for people who will rise or have great family connections. He knows where to place his bets to better his own lot in life. If I have to hear one more time about his "close personal friend" the Minister of Magic I am going to find a spell to plug my ears.

He is so wrapped up in who you know and how powerful your family is. That whole Ambitious Slytherin thing is serious. And yet, he has never had any ambition to do anything spectacular with his own life. He just sits here and makes friends and allies for the future. But he's content to sit in his dungeon reaping the benefits of friends in high places.

I can't stand it. He's intolerable. I don't want to jump into the stream of the house rivalries, but I can see that the overt personality traits in Slytherin and Gryffindor houses just don't go together.

* * *

After all that hard work in Potions I barely got a passing grade and ended up one of the ones forced to do an extra essay on the specific properties of the ingredients we used. It's supposed to help us understand the effect of forgetting or over-indulging in one ingredient or another.

I feel like I already know this, that's how I was able to keep it from becoming volatile after all, but what's the point in arguing? Yes, I kept the potion stable but it wasn't done the way the book said to do it because I kept having to fix Pettigrew's mistakes. There's no point arguing the matter though. Slughorn is still against me after the whole blood boil thing. Potter and Black are definitely going to have to be dealt with though. I can't take them messing up my education. I'll have to figure out some way to make them leave my studies alone at least.

* * *

Severus joined us in the library after dinner for our usual study session. They didn't have to do the stupid potions essay but Sev is really good at that stuff. Apparently, it's just like cooking. I don't cook so I wouldn't know. But he just gets it and he's really good at explaining it. I'm sure I could have found the same information in the books but he was right there and helped me readily enough so I let him be useful.

The rest of the day wasn't enough to talk about. Most of it was repetitive. We went over what we did in the last lesson. We were told to read ahead and take notes.

After my homework was finished I finished the third book Madame Pince gave me and swapped them out for three more. I'm learning a lot about protective spells.

From what I've read, I should be a natural at them. I haven't tried anything, she's got me studying theory first and foremost. But I like it. It's nice to understand something so thoroughly.

And protective spells _need_ to be understood to perform them properly. You can get by with a basic shield charm but it won't save you from something truly nasty. And if it won't save you from that, what's the point?

I get the feeling that Potter and Black will always ask "why bother" with shield charms. They sort of dive head first into whatever sticky situation presents itself. They got in a fist fight with a couple of Slytherins who were talking about Black being a blood traitor. I wasn't sure he'd care at first, after all he doesn't exactly fit in with his family. But I guess he just can't let a name slide and he certainly can't stand to let a Slytherin get away with anything.

* * *

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I stand out in the classroom. I can't help it. I refuse to pretend to not get it when I obviously do. Some of the professors, like Professor McGonagle, seem to be proud of my efforts. Some are like Slughorn. Professor Binns is the only one who never calls me out. He doesn't call anyone out. I'm not really sure he knows we're there to be honest.

I'm beginning to ramble and that is the usual sign that it is past my bedtime. I've gotten a lot done today despite the boys' interference. I'll have to do something about them but I'll have to figure out what later.


	10. Chapter 10

**September 13, 1971**

Sorry, I know it's been too long since I wrote but lessons got sort of hectic and there just didn't seem to be enough hours in the day. I'll try to do better but let's face it, I'm the only one reading this so I'll forgive myself if I forget to write about the boring days.

And some days _are _rather boring. I go to class, I do homework.

Some of the older kids are talking about the coming Quidditch tryouts. I borrowed a book from the library: _Quidditch Through the Ages_. It's pretty interesting. The sport sounds pretty savage though. People used to die all the time. I guess they won't let that happen here at school but the professional games get pretty bloody from what I've read.

Our first flying lesson is tonight. First years aren't allowed to have a broom. I couldn't have a broom anyway. I could never keep it at the orphanage and I couldn't ride during the summer. Even if I somehow turned out to be a natural flyer I wouldn't have any time to practice. No use getting my hopes up. But it does sound simply thrilling.

I've always dreamed I could fly. Tonight I'll get to try it first hand. Quidditch is probably out of the question for me. But I could fly here at school. And maybe, when I come of age, I could buy myself a broom. That would be something.

* * *

At lunch I sat with Lily as usual and we discussed the coming assignments and tryouts and tonight's flying lesson. She isn't excited at all. She read the book too but she thought it sounded rather brutal. And she's afraid of heights. I reminded her that there are spells to prevent you from falling and to cushion your descent if you do fall. It didn't seem to help. She got really pale and then turned kind of green. It was pretty funny but I didn't make fun of her. I've seen worse reactions to an irrational fear and the fear of heights isn't really all that irrational.

You _could_ fall.

Unlike the fear of clowns. That is completely irrational. Very few clowns turn serial killer.

* * *

I am rambling now. I guess I'll put this away until after my first flying lesson. God, I'm so nervous!


	11. Chapter 11

**September 13, 1971**

Okay, so I didn't write much earlier. Not much has been happening outside of class. I haven't quite figured out how to get the boys to leave my classwork alone and they take every opportunity to subtly drive me crazy. Well, at least Remus is still nice to me. I think he may be the reason they don't do bigger pranks on me.

He's doing much better in Transfiguration. I still help him with his casting when he needs it so long as the other boys are elsewhere. I like spending time with him. He's really smart, just really shy and nervous. He's fun to work with.

* * *

But, back to the excitement of the day: Flying Lessons!

I was insanely nervous, so was Lily. We walked down to the Quidditch pitch together after lunch, trying to boost each other's confidence, wondering what it will be like.

"Aren't you scared at all?" "I'm worried I won't be any good at it and I'll make a fool of myself." "But aren't you afraid to be so high up? Flying through the air on nothing but a broomstick is utter madness. I'm going to fall!" "You won't fall. Madame Synestra is there to prevent that very thing. Besides, we're only first years and none of the other kids will know anything either." "Potter and Black keep going on and on about how their parents let them play Quidditch every summer. Obviously, this is something that we won't be on equal footing with the kids from magical households." "That doesn't mean we'll be terrible. Come on, aren't you excited even a little bit?"

She wrung her hands in despair and pleaded me with those big green eyes not to judge her.

"I hate heights." "I know that already. But haven't you ever dreamed of flying?"

This was a bigger question than she realized. I had dreamt of soaring through the air since before I could remember. I had always dreamed of flying. Surely I wasn't alone in this as I was in everything else?

"No way. Even when Sev told me what I was I never imagined they'd make me get on a broom!"

My hope crumbled, dashed away. Clearly I _am_ an oddball anywhere I go. It's not just the weather and the magic and being an orphan. Even my mind is completely different from those around me. Will I ever really fit in anywhere?

* * *

We got to the pitch and lined up with our house, facing off with the Slytherins as the professor lay broomsticks at our feet.

I was still excited, despite Lily's nervous energy. Severus stood across from us, smiling encouragingly at Lily and scowling at Black who stood just to my right. I had no idea why the boys had lined up right next to me when they seemed to hate me so but I knew it could only be a bad thing.

"Alright first years, hold your right hand over your broom and say 'Up!'"

We did as we were told.

On the first try my broom sailed into my hand. So did Potter's and a few other kids. Black looked seriously irritated that I had bested him at something he had so much more practice at.

"Again."

Everyone tried again with more success.

Poor Lily stood there repeatedly yelling "up" without enthusiasm. She would prolong her moment off the ground for as long as possible and the broom's silent acquiescence to her fears did not encourage her.

"With feeling!"

Finally everyone had their broom in hand and the instructor told us to mount our broom, gripping it firmly.

"Now, on my mark I want you to take off from the ground, hard; hover for a moment and then lean forward slightly and touch back down."

I took off easily and was about to set my feet back on the ground when Black kicked me. My broom took off like a mad thing.

"What are you doing? Get back down here at once!" "Hunter's going for a joy ride." "That's not fair. Black did something to her broom, Professor." Lily took up for me but Black suddenly looked innocent and hurt at the accusation. "It isn't my fault if she can't fly."

But as they were arguing down on the ground I had gained control of my broom and was now steering it back to my peers. I maneuvered it easily through the air and touched down a little ways from where I had initially taken off.

"Miss Hunter, explain yourself." "I'm sorry Professor, I don't know what happened. It was all going so well until I tried to land and then it took off. I seem to have it under control now." "At least you're not hurt. Very good of you to keep your head about you. Five points to Gryffindor."

* * *

Black was furious. He had neither hurt me nor gotten me in trouble with the professor. But I had about had enough.

On the way back to the castle I cornered him and his friends, Lily and Severus trailing behind me uncertainly.

"What is your problem?" "What are you talking about, Hunter?" "You could have gotten me killed! I've never been on a broom before you half-wit!" "You seem fine to me." "No thanks to you. I know we got off on the wrong foot but this has got to stop. You are interfering with my lessons and destroying hours of homework and it stops NOW. Do you understand?" "What are you going to do about it?"

Black and I were about to come to blows. This was it. Everything I had read about was useless. The spells we had learned weren't meant for dueling. I wondered if he would hesitate to strike me. I had taken beatings before but I would not lay down and let him trample me without putting up a fight.

"Well?" I wasn't afraid to fight him. But all of a sudden I saw something in those blue eyes, "I'm not going to do anything at all. What is the point of fighting? I haven't done anything to you yet, let's put an end to this before someone gets hurt." Surprise filled his gaze and he backed up before he regained his composure and his usual smirk graced his features once more. "Afraid, Hunter?" "No. I've dealt with worse than the likes of you. But we don't have to be enemies. We've each suffered enough, why add to it? Just leave me alone and we'll call it even."

I turned to walk away then but not before I saw a glimmer of understanding in his eyes.

* * *

It was inevitable really. No matter how we try to hide it, our past looms over us like a shadow. Someone observant is always going to notice eventually.

People who are abused end up one of a few ways.

Some become what they are trained to be and bully others in their turn. Black was like that.

Some retreat into themselves and flinch at any moving shadow.

Others bide their time, building their strength so that when the time comes they won't suffer that fate again. I am one of these.

But we all have a look in our eyes that says we've seen violence we don't deserve and we recognize it in each other no matter how differently we may handle the situation. Black had obviously had a rough childhood and he chose to cope by being as loud and obnoxious as he could be against anyone he felt had a resemblance or connection to his tormentors. Mostly he took his anger out on Slytherins. I had roused his ire when I brought his family into a very stupid argument. I knew to keep my mouth shut and I was dealing with the consequences now.

Now he knew that I had my fare share of experiences as well. He saw it in the way I refused to rise to his baiting. I won't be bullied and I'm not afraid to fight whether it means I get pummeled or not. But I will not fight for the sheer sake of fighting.

Black let his frustration out with his temper. All the things he deals with at home and pins up he lets loose here among his friends and his equals, where he stands a chance.

I could just as easily have turned out like that. I could bully the orphans who looked to me for guidance. I could pick on the kids who didn't pick things up as fast I seem to. I could start fights over nothing. But I had seen enough violence in my life not to bring it about without good cause.

* * *

He didn't stop me as I walked back to the castle, Lily and Severus trailing behind me.

"What was that all about?" "I'm tired of him messing with me." "Then why didn't you finish what you tried to start? Aren't you Gryffindors supposed to be brave?" "Bravery and stupidity are often mistaken for the same thing. There's no use starting a fight with him. Violence never solved anything so mundane as Sirius Black." "I think you're right. Besides, if you had gotten in a fight he'd have hurt you and Gryffindor would get in trouble." "You're probably right. Yet another reason not to bother." "What if he doesn't stop messing with your work though?" "Then I really will have to do something." "Tell a professor?" "No. I'm not a rat. I'll just have to think of something more creative than a fist fight."

* * *

The rest of my evening was completely uneventful. I finished some reading and reworked one of my essays for Charms and here I am, sitting in bed.

I'm still excited about flying. Even Black can't dampen that. I can't wait to get back on a broom. I wish I could try out for Quidditch.


	12. Chapter 12

**September 15, 1971**

* * *

Black and his friends haven't spoken to me since our first flying lesson. I can only be grateful for that. I mean, Black isn't exactly a forgiving person from the couple of weeks I've known him and I can't be certain he understood what he saw in my eyes when I refused to fight him.

One might wonder at his willingness to get in a brawl with a girl but, knowing his cousin Bellatrix's love of torturing people, I can see gender doesn't make much of a difference when he feels defensive. He's definitely been beaten a time or two by the "fairer" sex.

* * *

Class continues to thrill me. I'm still top in performance and I'm gaining much better control. Professor McGonagle gave me some books on the subject of focusing your magic and it is a very interesting read. It deals mostly with non-verbal spells which we will not even attempt before our sixth year. It looks like it will come in handy - being able to cast a spell and not give your opponent a heads up as to what is coming at them.

I'm almost finished with it and she has another waiting for me.

Madame Pince has upgraded me to wand movements in defensive spells, another three books to read in what small amount of free time I make for myself. I wonder if Professor McGonagle asked her for recommendations on my study in control or if they discuss my side projects at all between themselves? If they do talk about it I see no hesitation in either of them piling more reading on me so, if they know about each other's homework, they must not care if I learn it.

* * *

I am rambling in a most incoherent fashion tonight.

I think I'm more worried about Black than I initially gave credit for. There is a small - very small - chance that he will let me alone after our confrontation. There is a much better chance that he is working on new and sinister ways to irritate me.

I'd like to think that Remus would curb his less-than-pure motives towards me but I'm not fool enough to think my tutoring him will have any effect on my standing in their little group. More than likely Remus will let his friend do just as they please and he will stay clear of me when the time comes for their plan to be set in motion.

We've spent every day for the last couple of weeks with Black putting more than his fare share of energy into making my life a misery while I quietly ignore him and correct whatever he's managed to foul in lessons. He jumps at the chance to send scathing remarks as to my choice of friends, my lack of control when I forget what I'm doing, and Slughorn's refusal to see that I am doing twice the work necessary for the potions we are concocting. And now? Nothing.

He hasn't so much as glanced in my direction in the last two days. It is unnerving. He's like a dog you know bites so you keep an eye on him but he's decided to be in a good mood and you can't help but watch him out of the corner of your eye, waiting for the inevitable attack. I wonder how bad it's going to be.

* * *

Well, there's no use worrying about what you can't change. Either he will make my life a misery, or he won't. I'm doing no one any good by obsessing over the possibilities. I do wonder if I should start practicing the defensive spells though, just in case. If I can manage to perform one correctly, even a weak shield would benefit me in some small way.

I'll think about that. I'd really like to know more about it all but I may not have a choice soon.

* * *

The Quidditch tryouts are at the end of next week. Black and Potter are determined to show off even though first years never make the house team and aren't even allowed broomsticks of their own. It will be interesting to watch.

I wondered briefly if Quidditch might take too much time away from my studies. But I know better than most that a nice diversion every once in a while is only healthy. You can't spend every waking moment with your nose in a book, as much as I'd often like to.

I've convinced Lily that it is an experience neither of us should miss. We are, after all, at a disadvantage having never seen anything of Quidditch before. I called it a learning experience and she couldn't say no to accompanying me to the pitch next week. I've never been much for sports or spectating but I feel suddenly as if no experience is a waste of time when I could wake up tomorrow back in the orphanage with this all having been a wonderful dream.

I thought I had convinced myself I was not dreaming but my dreams of late are filled with doubt. I do not want this to end so I will grab every experience offered me and run with it until the bitter end.

* * *

This is a most rambling entry and I apologize to whomever may happen to pick this up and feel obliged to be confused by it. I've been a little...wander-y...lately.

My nightmares have been causing the worst kind of weather irregularities and Professor Dumbledore has taken to alternately staring at me and the enchanted ceiling during mealtimes. If he is any more obvious about it the whole school will know that it is my fault Herbology had to be held in an indoor classroom all this week.

What could possibly be disturbing me so badly? Duh.

Every night since our first flying lesson I've dreamt of my foster family.

Every night I wake up with a scream stuck in my throat as I remember what was done to me. It's been a while since I was forced to relive these nightmares. I have grown complacent here at school. I am so happy to be here and learn such fascinating things that I let my guard down. I no longer try to keep away from Lily and Severus is at least friendly. I'm making friends here even though I know it's dangerous to do so. It will make it that much harder to go back to the orphanage.

I'm avoiding going to sleep to avoid the nightmares. I'm going to look up a silencing spell for the four-poster. Maybe that way I won't wake anyone else up at least.

It's almost midnight though and I have nothing else to say. All of my homework for the week is done and everyone else is already in bed. It is well past curfew but they don't say anything about the wand-light behind my curtains. I have Transfiguration first thing in the morning though and I should be well rested if I have any hope of keeping my magic in check. I'll write later.


	13. Chapter 13

**September 19, 1971**

* * *

This day can't get any worse. Probably.

It started with double Transfiguration with the Slytherins. I somehow got stuck with Black for a partner. This has never happened before. He and Potter are usually stuck to each other like flies in a glue trap. Today I look around and everyone is partnered up and Black is missing. He walked in two minutes after the bell and grudgingly sat down beside me.

I don't know where he was or what he was doing but I find myself wishing he wouldn't do it again.

We were turning feathers into fans today. The lighter material was supposed to make the complexity of the transformation more doable. I've been practicing and reading ahead and I thought I had everything well in hand until Sirius Black raised his wand.

I am a decent hand at transfiguration. I'll admit it is one of my favorite classes and I have definitely excelled in it. Sirius Black has hidden talents and I finally discovered what he'd been up to the last few days.

He pointed his wand at the pile of feathers we were meant to be transfiguring and muttered an incantation. I looked over at him in confusion, it wasn't the spell we were supposed to be using. And then I was covered in feathers. Head to toe in ostrich plumes.

The entire class roared with laughter and the Slytherins have taken to calling me the Gryffindor Chicken. I didn't know what to do. This was completely unprovoked and rather impressive all at the same time. I didn't know whether to cry or applaud. It was a truly inspired bit of wand work. The other first year Gryffindor boys laughed heartily along with the rest of the students. Black sat in his chair like a king at court and gave a few graceful bows to his peers.

Professor McGonagle was definitely not happy.

"Ten points from Gryffindor, Mr. Black. That was highly unnecessary." "It was an accident Professor. I was trying to turn them into a fan and I just don't know where it went wrong." "I'm no fool Mr. Black. I saw very well which spell you used. I think you will also serve detention with me tomorrow night as you are unapologetic as well as disruptive." "I'm sorry professor, I had no idea I was this funny." "One week of detention to be served with Mr. Filch after your session with me tomorrow night. Now, if you please, I'd like us all to return to the lesson at hand."

She waved her wand and I was plucked. Literally, because Sirius's spell hadn't just covered me in feathers, the feathers were part of me. I was bright pink for the rest of the day. And sore besides.

* * *

Lily kept glancing at me as I tried to act like none of it bothered me. The other students kept squawking at me like a chicken. Sirius never said a word but the grin on his face spoke volumes.

"If I hear one more squawk out of any of you I will turn you all into proper chickens and let you lay eggs for breakfast! Back to the lesson. I want every single one of you to have a fan at the end of class and anyone who does not will write a six inch paper on the properties of this spell."

No one said anything else and everyone went back to their feathers.

I picked up my wand after a minute and tried to focus my mind, to control my magic. I waved my wand and said the spell. All around the room were perfect fans. I groaned quietly to myself.

I could control the tears that had threatened to spill over as everyone taunted me. I could control my anger at Sirius Black. But I could not hide that he had shaken me because I still lacked control. A storm built outside.

I looked up as Professor McGonagle made her way over to my desk again. I stared guiltily down at my hands.

"Miss Hunter," "Sorry Professor. I forgot what I was doing. I'm trying to control it." "Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office after dinner this evening. In the meantime, why don't you work on transfiguring this lot back so your classmates may continue with their lesson?"

* * *

It was humiliating, sitting there and trying to keep my face from showing how embarrassed I was while everyone stared at me like I was a side-show freak.

Black was grinning hugely. I couldn't stand to look at him so I focused on my fan and did the reversal spell. My fan changed back to feathers. Everyone else still had a fan. I spent the rest of the first hour changing everyone's fan back into feathers while Professor McGonagle surveyed my work and chastised those who could not wait patiently for their feathers to be returned.

Black and his friends watched me with satisfied smirks on their faces. Even Remus seemed to think the prank was worthy of a grin.

This day was a well-served reminder of why I prefer to be left alone. You can only trust yourself not to hurt you.

* * *

On the bright side, the boys seemed content at my utter humiliation and left me alone for the rest of the day. Aside from the utterly embarrassing squawking that followed me in the corridors and disrupted _every_ class, I was left alone.

Lily felt bad for me but she knew I wouldn't appreciate her sympathy. She shook her head and got onto anyone who squawked.

Her championing of me did nothing to mend my fractured ego. I almost didn't mind the feathers. It was a brilliant spell and he'd done a beautiful job with it. If it had happened to someone else I might have laughed. But he had startled me into revealing how shaken I truly was. It's been a week since I lost control of my magic like that. The storm brewed all day and there was a downpour before lunch.

* * *

By dinner time I was thoroughly miserable and Sirius was the official king of Gryffindor. He seemed to revel in the attention. I guess if he needs it to feel like he's worth a damn, who am I to deny him? Not that I would have had the presence of mind to stop him in class today. I had no idea what to do. I just sat there, stunned and embarrassed like a lump on a feathery log.

I didn't eat much.

Afterwards I headed to the Headmaster's office where I was certain Dumbledore would tell me I was no longer welcome because I was a danger to the entire castle with my uncontrollable magic and would have to be shipped back off to the orphanage where I would live out the remainder of my days in utter misery.

The stone gargoyle guarding the entrance to his office jumped aside at the password "licorice" and I slowly went up the spiral staircase and stood there for a moment before gathering my courage and knocking on the door.

"Come in." Albus Dumbledore was wearing the same purple robes he had on at dinner, covered in what appeared to be dancing elves. He looked quite a sight sitting behind his great mahogany desk with the portraits of his predecessors looming over him and the magical artifacts displayed around the room. A phoenix sat on a pedestal to his left. It was beautiful, clearly in the prime of its cycle and it looked straight through me with those piercing eyes.

"Ah, Icera dear, please have a seat." I did as I was told but I tried very hard not to look at him. I didn't want to see the pity or the anger in his eyes when he banished me forever. "I prefer Hunter, actually." "Of course. Do you know why I've called you here tonight, Hunter?" "I think so sir." "Would you like to talk about it?" I couldn't help but look at him then. He had surprised me.

"Sir?" "I have noticed the weather patterns, my dear. And Professor McGonagle is quite concerned about you. You have shown remarkable improvement, especially in your control since you've been here. This week, however, it is obvious that something is troubling you. And I can't help but think it is not entirely the fault of Mr. Black's prank?" "Actually, I thought it was rather fantastic. I don't know where he comes up with these things." "He does have rather a penchant for the dramatic, doesn't he?" "He's brilliant. I do wish he hadn't drawn even more attention to me but I'm a good enough sport and I know he thinks he has something to prove. But I was startled and I couldn't concentrate and ended up turning everyone's feathers into fans." "Professor McGonagle tells me they were beautifully done." "I couldn't turn them all back though. I had to do each one individually. I've never been so embarrassed."

"Being covered in feathers and plucked doesn't bother you, you only recognize the nice bit of wand work. But only managing to untransfigure one fan at a time sets your cheeks aflame. My dear, you have a rather lopsided view of things." "I thought you brought me in here to tell me I was being sent back." I blurted it out before I could stop myself and peeked up at him quickly from behind my bangs. Now Dumbledore looked startled. It was pretty funny actually.

"My dear, you are a very talented witch. You have more talent than any pureblood I have ever met, more than anyone raised in a magical household could expect to be. You have amazing and unique power that will take time and effort and discipline to control. But you are only an eleven-year-old girl. I certainly do not place as high an expectation on you as you yourself seem to. I will not be sending you back."

* * *

I know I was blushing fiercely as he negated all my fears. How foolish I must have seemed. Of course students don't get sent home when they can't control their magic. A muggle orphanage is the last place he would want an uncontrollable witch. Here the professors can easily reverse whatever damage I cause. There it would be a ministry scandal for sure.

* * *

"Was there anything else you wished to discuss? Have the other students been upsetting you?" He looked at me with those sparkling blue eyes that see straight through you and I knew I couldn't keep it to myself. It was just like back at the orphanage when he'd asked about my foster family.

"I've been having nightmares. I don't sleep much. I'm worried I'll wake my roommates. I suppose it makes me a little gloomy." "I understand dear. Would you like Madame Pomfrey to provide you with some Dreamless Sleep?" "I'd really rather no one else knew. I'm not entirely sure why I keep talking to you about it. I don't want anyone else to think I'm different." "Of course not. But you do need sleep." "I'm really fine Professor. Honest." "Well, perhaps I could recommend a good silencing charm, so you need not fear waking anyone else up?" "That would be appreciated."

* * *

We talked for a bit more and he did teach me the silencing charm. I've already put it up around my bed so no one can hear me when I close my curtains. Lily helped me test it out but I told her it was so I couldn't hear the other girls snoring.

Now it's about time for bed. I can't wait to see if tomorrow is better...or more likely worse.


End file.
